Yeah. That’s not mine. I took it from Sex in The City. God! I miss that show. It was the episode when Carrie was mad at Mr. Big because he didn’t say I love you back, after she said it. She deflected and started yelling at him about his cigars and how she didn’t like their smell. I do that. Not the cigar part, but the bitching, the nit-picking. We all do.

Everyone at some point has aging parents. It’s challenging. You feel lost, angry, frustrated, out numbered, humor is your drug, confusion, yearning for the loss parent from your youth. You want to be with them all the time, especially if you’re a mommy or daddy’s girl. I am the first one.

I absolutely love my mum. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about how she yelled at me to make two bunny ears while learning to tie my shoes. I can still hear her. “Okay now, make two bunny ears,  pull the loops through quicker..good girl”.  She’s always been there.

Support, pushing me on, love…so now I need to be there. When one can’t control the mind, one tends to take it out on others.

Lately the man has been getting the brunt of it. He shouldn’t. He hasn’t done anything. He’s amazing, caring, kind, patient and funny. So sorry.

It’s not about the cigar. It’s about me not having control.