Tonight I feel alone ..not lonely.
I’ve heard the saying a lot.

It’s Xmas eve and I don’t think anyone reads these so WTF!

She just got back from a trip to the west coast to see her aging mother and older brother. She drove for three days to get there through snow and terrible rain. She did nothing but think about him. Her mother. Her job. Her choices. Her family. Her goals.

Why it seems like she’s not loved? She listened to Dust by Patricia Cornwall on CD. She didn’t really like it. She felt like the writing was poor, confusing out of sync. The reading was poor and she only got engaged while driving in snow through the pass with her hazards on in her 2015 Prius.

For most adoptees they usually always feel alone. She has no kids and after spending years with same person, it appears that, they don’t love each other anymore. Or perhaps. She loves him more than he will ever love her. It used to be okay. But now it isn’t.

She knows that.

She has these dreams of them holding hands in Paris. Sitting on the plane with them and gently sleeping on their shoulder. Watching them sleep. Growing old with them. Him making her feel special. She thought about this. Hoping on the long drive they would be by her side. She realized she was sick of doing things alone.

So on Xmas eve while he’s faking smiles or maybe not, she’s alone.

She knows she’ll be ok. She knows that its better to be wanted and alone.
To be touched. Loved.

She’ll never be lonely. She has too many friends all over the world.

So on this holiday think about how your loved and not alone.

Be you…