I had for years wanted to be in my lovers world. By that I mean, getting the trips, a new car, the couple’s dinners, meeting old friends, family and neighbors etc.

It seemed ideal from the outside.

But then sad… as if he was happy, he wouldn’t have found me. Right?
And still keeps me around.

I finally had the opportunity last week to go THERE. It’s funny because after a break up , you try to stay friends and stay FRIENDLY. The thing is… do we really wanna see that world? We have been a secret for many years and even complained about it. The constant nagging of the lack of this and of that but who the fuck cares!

We are constantly told to want more. Go to college, get a good job, meet a nice partner, have kids, work harder, get a promotion, buy a house, get a nicer car. Work on finding someone to move forward to share a life with…etc, etc..blah blah blah.

However, no one ever says stay STILL? Are you happy? Does he make you happy? Friends have said, you deserve more..etc… but what if what you WANTED was enough? You can find your more.

You missed it. You miss the hand holding, the sex.. when you can get it. The days when he used to put his hands in your pants, like your smell, your taste, you smile, your jokes

They moved to friends mode.

You want to remain the lover, the confidant, the one. The nagging and challenges pushed him away.
Tasting the fruit was NOT for you.
The mistress is the only place I care to stay. No future, no nagging.
Just there.

If only friendship is available… she has to go, because that’s nit the role she wants to play.