break up

Here comes my town car!

Posted on by theotherblackwoman

You know Mr. Sandman, right? The one who, supposedly sits sweetly above you and sprinkles sand over you, so you can have some vivid,  dreams and sleep soundly like a baby.
I don’t.
I’ve always been told about him. Basically ever since I was a child. Yet, I’ve never been told about Ms. Sandman. I don’t think she exists. I say this because I haven’t been sleeping well. So if these legends were true, then she would come, then lean on my bed and do the same.

My ritual if you will…..
Right before I go to bed, my eyes get so heavy and you would think that would mean, I am sound asleep. But I am NOT!

Lately when I try to sleep my old lover pops into my dreams. Its the same as in real life. He’ll show up, be extremely connected to me for about two and a half hours, chatting, laughing at my dumb jokes and then he leaves. We don’t interact much. I’d like to more, him, not so much. It reminded of the movie, Moonstruck starring Cher, Olympia, John Mahoney and Nicholas Cage. Apparently I am on a first name basis with these folks.
Cher’s mom played by Olympia says, ” Do you love him Loretta?”
I love him awful, Cher says.
Olympia says, that’s not good.

That right there is one of my favorite lines in the movie.

Back to Mr. Sandman.
This one wasn’t any different. He came over and we were eating food from Cafe Turk. They make the juiciest succulent lamb to die for next to rice full of unique spices with raisins. It was heaven. The only difference was I was living in a high rise like the one in Asia. It was bland on the outside with 33 floors and one elevator that reeked of cigarettes. He, let’s call him.

He had just finished making love to me and jumped up abruptly and said, “here comes my town car”.

My eyes slowly open. My stomach is crampy from either loss, excitement or sadness.

In the end it doesn’t matter.
The dreams come, uncontrollable, waiting, lurking and on Easter Sunday no less. Today it should be of sweet bunnies jumping, pink and lavender dresses. Me, being surrounded by solid dark chocolate Godiva bunnies..
So….Ms. Sandman, tonight, we’ll have the one above. No town cars.
No him.

Dear Ethel

Posted on by theotherblackwoman

Have you ever woken up feeling, happy?  No, no, not the usual boring happy, its sunny out, I can’t wait to start my day. Or even, I am on vacation and it’s my day off happy. Lastly, I got paid, I am happy! I mean…..different. Wofting into your own existence. Wait? Is that a word? At peace if you will.

You feel free, relaxed, exposed to the world. Well not really. People, I am NOT that important. To my family and friends, yes. But probably not to you.

Do you remember a time when you used to be or act differently? When I used to get out of relationships in my youth. There is a series of events that would take place.

I would first hate them. Yes, yes, I am aware that word is terrible. I would throw all of their stuff out. I then would erase them from my mind. It’s like, I am in a Terry McMillan novel, lighting a car on fire. It’s just a metaphor. That girl be crazy!

I think the worst of it was driving over an old lovers things in my old Nissan sentra. Settle down folks! This was in college. Maybe, maybe, I put an old lover on a bus back to Poland from London. Or doing the old, “it’s not me it’s you, speech. Or its me NOT you.

We’re friends on Facebook and you know you do the same. Well, the polish one and sentra one. Ah…the twenties!!!

Good times!
Twenty something peeps, listen up!
Do me a favor, do NOT complain about your body, because you look AMAZING!

With a recent EX now three months out, I feel happy. Not that we’re not together but that I no longer carry the expectations that I once had. I hope he stays in my life…forever..

I still miss him, want to be in contact with him, want his approval, love to be in the same room with him, love the smell of him and still respect him. To be honest, I FEEL safer with him in this world.

Ethel, have you ever had this feeling? I don’t have animosity. I just want to move forward and focus on joy. Laughter.

Be grateful to each day.

Ethel, can I have my free Snapple , now?

I don’t really know you…

Posted on by theotherblackwoman

Remember when you were with your partner for eight years and they adored you? They loved to talk to you every morning, send you sweet texts, call you on the way home from work but now they don’t.

Sex was on their mind, constantly. Okay that’s a lie. Mostly yours. Why, because you’re amazing!!

Bike rides, house help, drinks, live music, dinners…good conversation, mindfulness, care, all are gone.

Then things changed drastically. They have no time for you. Not even a text or a phone call. You live three blocks away and he couldn’t be bothered. He’s too busy for YOU. He’s gotten all he wants and now you’re difficult. Too demanding.  Nothing.

It comes as a shock to be nothing after so many years.

Sorry folks but the breakup blog continues so settle in …it may be a few months for this gal to adjust to singledom.

But..in the end.. I am the lucky one. Free.
He wasn’t who I thought he was.
Sadly, it took me almost a decade to realize that.

No one reads this anyways…
If you do… I feel you slapping me.
I am awake and up.
No really.

I didn’t really know him.

All things must end.. but..I don’t have to like it

Posted on by theotherblackwoman

It seems odd that she’s alone now. She had been with him for so many years. Celina loved to go out and drink Guinness and hear music with him. Her favorite thing was watching him sway side to side to the beat and now and again he would bump her thigh. You see “Luc” wasn’t a toucher. She wasn’t either but for some reason she loved touching him. The middle of his back, thigh, hands, hair….everything about him really.

Touching is such an intimate thing. It doesn’t need to be sensual. It can just mean, “hey, I am here for you?”
We see it as such a normal thing with a kiss in the morning and “I Love You” it’s as if it’s a routine that rolls off your lips. But do we really mean it. Some people don’t. It’s just a way of making them feel better about themselves if an accident happens to someone they love. In my family we MEAN it.

Ending things is rough. Why must we end things and have it be the norm? Its seen as a taboo if you’re not married or have kids in your forties. Maybe by the time you met the right one, they married early and never even heard of you. Maybe you never met anyone who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe you’re a person of color and no one wants to settle down with you because of that factor.

She made the choice. She’s trying to accept things and move on.
But love is love.
How can you shut all that down overnight? You can’t.
You still want it.
Not like it was, because it was toxic. But you want it.
All things must end….but do they
have to?

Or can they go on in a different fashion?
That’s the question… with no answers.

Once Upon a time there were…

Posted on by theotherblackwoman

Two women. One was older by two years, Jewish, tired, toned due to Pilate’s, unhappy, a homebody, cared for and after by him. She loved her bed, and movie binging.

The other was a spunky ethnic gal, tall, a workaholic, loved by many, independent, murder she wrote watching, Guinness drinking, journal writing, loner who absolutely loved her man “Charlie”.

Charlie was a tall, drink of water. Charlie looked like everybody in this city on a bike. He was kind, caring, funny, but he didn’t care for the spunky gal. You see the older one had two sons with…who he adores, with that bond he would never leave her to be with the spunky gal. He would stay. With fake smiles and suffer.

One day she, the spunky gal, broke up with Charlie. You see she had done this before. On several occasions. But now she had been with Charlie for almost a decade….hidden..from the world. She was older and wiser. Sadly, even though she’s these things. To the outside world, she’s just considered old.
Done.
Expired milk.
One to not be in the dating world. At least not in our country.

In France she’d be hot, sexy, wanted fashionable not OLD.

Charlie in some ways caused this. He wanted to keep the spunky one around. To look at. To talk to. To call.
Sometime to touch.

All he really wanted was stability, the perfect picture he had so many years ago with the older one. The exciting love they once shared. But… it appeared she didn’t even like him..for who he had become. She liked what he did or does for her. The money, the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking, the friends, the traveling, the children. The life.

Not him.

The spunky gal loved and liked him. Didn’t want to change him. Loved the cooking, the shopping, the sex, the traveling, loved him. If she had the other things she would bask in his beauty.

But she doesn’t.
She will go on…..Charlie will stay proving to himself….she will one day love him again like she did 23 years ago. She will be nicer to him in the future. She won’t..

Once upon a time there was just a spunky gal.